I cannot describe how happy I am to have the internet in my apartment. I’ve been able to get online a bit at work-enough to check my email and do work. Facebook and most of the world, however, is blocked by the “high school students should not have access to this during the school day” internet blockers. I got the password at the end of last week to override the blocker, but I had a guilty conscience about using it too much. Plus, every time you changed a page in facebook, you’d have to put the password in again.
I missed most of the Olympics, crazy amounts of news, and have felt paranoid about my finances all week (because I’m used to balancing my checkbook online all the time).
BUT in the last two weeks I’ve done lots of big girl things-opened a new checking account, gotten my own tv and internet services, changed my electric, spent 2 hours waiting to get fingerprinted, worked 2 full weeks in my first real job, organized and decorated an apartment, and planned the first 2 months of school.
I was a disastrous mess the few days after Heather, Sara, and Rachel left. We went to the one Church of Christ on the Sunday they left. It was awful. Seriously, it was so bad (but I hadn’t heard the “five steps of salvation” so many times all at once in quite a while, so at least that’s… something). Ask Rachel Craddock if you need confirmation. I just spent hours after school on my air mattress weeping, watching sad movies so that I wouldn’t feel so pathetic, and texting. I didn’t want to talk on the phone because I’m not good at being emotional and articulate at the same time. At all.I actually had to tell mom to force dad not to offer to bring me home any more. He has this habit of insistently offering to pack my stuff and move me home at any moment. I was afraid if he offered too much I’d take him up on it.
Somewhere in the middle of the week-in the midst of planning, getting excited about the plans, driving to Charlotte, and running out of tears, I got more comfortable. By the time mom and dad got here I was much better. They might have preferred it if I was still weepy (to show that I miss them), but I was happy to be dried up.
I miss home every day. Home, Michigan, camp, Europe (and the posse therein)-all the places that are home. Those are the places where I feel comfortable-I know my way around, I know my place in those worlds, I know how to be myself and be comfortable in the fact that I am loved and love in return. I’m surviving here just fine, but I think it’ll be a while until I thrive. I don’t see myself in a tier 1, a bizarre posse, a turtle family-whatever you want to call it… The staff at the school is great, but they have lives of their own. And they really don’t understand my humor most of the time. I think that they don’t really understand sarcasm here. That will be a problem for me.
A lot of my hesitancy to be home here probably has to do with the fact that, as a master of guarding myself, I am on the top of my game here. I think I’m hesitant to get comfortable and love it here because in my head I’m just here for the job, not the place. And I do think I will really love the job. I do so far. But at this point Wadesboro is REALLY just a place to write on my envelopes until something else comes along. Surprisingly, the accent gets on my nerves. Last night I was creeped out by my bedroom and had to sleep in the living room. I don’t want to change my license because I don’t want to claim North Carolina. But I have, after all, only been here for two weeks. And I have successfully taken out my own trash four times.
Next week will be a bit crazy-insano. I work Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. (Everybody else works the whole week, but I got permission to leave.) Wednesday I leave after work to drive to West Virginia. Thursday morning I’ll leave with Jeff, Julie, Jake, & Carly to go to Michigan to hear Elie Wiesel speak at Rochester on Friday. We’ll hang out until 2ish or so on Friday and then drive back to West Virginia. Mom and dad have called fierce dibs on Saturday. I may or may not be spending the night (after m&d sleep) at Heather’s on Saturday with Sarey Mayle and possibly Anna and Rachel. Sunday we’ll be waking up supa-early to drive to Parkersburg. We’ll go to church at 36th Street (hope that’s not a surprise) and then have some lunch and possible bowling with our favorite Parkersburg kids and folks. I’ll then drive back to NoCo to go straight to bed and start school the very next day. Nothing like a whirlwind to get the blood pumping.
